The course introduces a lot of vocabulary across ten weeks — the pause, the four moves, the long pause, the dodges, the traps, the script break. This page holds it all in one place. Use it to look up a term, to refresh on something from an earlier week, or to remember what the cohort's shared language actually means.
The shared vocabulary that runs all ten weeks — the rituals, the rhythm, the discipline of the room.
The structure of every session: Open (15 min), Learn (30), Discuss (40), Practice (20), Commit (15). The repetition is the practice.
The opening of every session from Week 02 on. Each participant shares what they committed to, whether they did it, and what they noticed.
One specific action chosen at the end of each session, to be done before the next. Specificity is the rule.
Each participant pairs with another. They share their commit, and the partner sends one check-in message mid-week.
Confidentiality. No fixing. No debate. Show up. Named in Session 01; held all ten weeks.
The cohort's core listening discipline. Receive what's shared; do not advise, problem-solve, or comfort.
Not peacekeeping, not avoiding conflict, not neutrality. The active practice of recognizing every person's worth and building honest, repairable relationships.
Week 01 · The principleThe truth named in Session 01: this work will cost you something — relationships, comfort, sometimes status. Said in the open so we don't pretend later.
Week 01 · Movement 02Before responding to anything that activates you, take exactly one breath. The whole technique. The point is to make a gap where there was none.
Week 02 · Movement 02The gap between trigger and response. Most people have no gap. Peacemaking lives in the gap. The work is to find one breath of space.
Week 02 · Force 01Anger is not the enemy. It is information about something that matters. The work is to read it without being driven by it.
Week 02 · Force 02The recognition that many "principled" stands — and many retreats — are actually fear, wearing a more flattering name. Naming it honestly is part of the work.
Week 02 · Force 03After the other person stops talking, wait three full seconds before responding. The speaker often says the thing that actually mattered in that pause.
Week 03 · Practice 01Before responding, say back what you heard them say. Not paraphrasing to sound smart — actually showing them you got it.
Week 03 · Practice 02When something pushed your button, ask a question instead of making a statement. "What do you mean by that?" instead of "I disagree."
Week 03 · Practice 03The practice exercise: Person A speaks for four minutes; Person B listens without responding, then mirrors back what they heard.
Week 03 · Movement 04Three things often mistaken for listening: waiting to speak, listening to fix, listening to categorize.
Week 03 · Movement 02What makes a conversation "hard" is the combination of deep disagreement, real stakes, and activation. One factor alone is sport. All three together is the work.
Week 04 · Movement 02Say out loud what's actually different between you. "We're coming at this from very different places. I want to understand yours before I tell you mine."
Week 04 · Practice 01Find the value, fear, or experience underneath the position. "What's at the bottom of that for you?" instead of "Why do you think that?"
Week 04 · Practice 02When you're both saying the same things in louder voices, name it: "I think we're saying the same things louder. Can we pause?"
Week 04 · Practice 03The Movement 04 practice where pairs share real positions on contested topics — and the listener mirrors and asks one "go underneath" question without arguing.
Week 04 · Movement 04Three ways apology gets confused with repair: the exit (end the discomfort), the performance (prove you're a good person), the redirect (put the focus back on you).
Week 05 · Movement 02Move 01 of real repair: name what you did specifically. Not "if I hurt you" — say what happened.
Week 05 · Move 01Move 02: name the impact without minimizing, explaining, or qualifying. No "but I was tired."
Week 05 · Move 02Move 03: when possible, do something. Words alone are not repair.
Week 05 · Move 03Move 04: the only repair that lasts. The person knows you've changed because the thing that hurt them stops happening.
Week 05 · Move 04The Movement 04 practice: a letter (not for sending) to one person you've caused harm, using acknowledge → own → repair → change.
Week 05 · Movement 04Three things forgiveness isn't: forgetting, reconciling, and bypassing (skipping over the anger, grief, or fear).
Week 06 · Movement 02Move 01 of facing harm: name what happened, in full. Putting words to it changes its weight.
Week 06 · Move 01Move 02: anger, grief, fear, betrayal. The emotions are not the obstacle to forgiveness — they are part of it.
Week 06 · Move 02Move 03: two separate decisions — about the relationship (reconcile, boundary, distance) and about your inner stance.
Week 06 · Move 03Move 04: the part of you the harm still owns. Rarely a single event. A practice over years.
Week 06 · Move 04How you stop the harm from continuing. Not revenge. Revenge inflicts harm back; a boundary keeps you out of the path of more.
Week 06 · Movement 02The Movement 04 practice: a letter to one person who has harmed you. Not for delivery — for clarity.
Week 06 · Movement 04Three dodges that turn silence into "peace": the bystander ("not my business"), the civility ("don't make a scene"), the relationship ("can't risk it").
Week 07 · Movement 02Move 01: specifically. Not "that wasn't great" — "what was just said is racist." Specificity is the first respect.
Week 07 · Move 01Move 02: when possible, direct, not over their shoulder. Talking around someone keeps them out of the conversation about what they did.
Week 07 · Move 02Move 03: confront the behavior without dehumanizing the person. The behavior is changeable; the person's worth is not.
Week 07 · Move 03Move 04: relationships, reputation, comfort. The cost is part of the work, not a sign you're doing it wrong.
Week 07 · Move 04The test: did the harm continue because of your silence? If yes, the silence wasn't peace — it was participation.
Week 07 · Movement 02Trap 01: pretending you have no influence. The mediator's choices about who speaks first, what gets named — all are power. Pretending you don't have it makes you a hidden actor.
Week 08 · Trap 01Trap 02: mistaking being needed for being useful. The work of mediation is to make yourself unnecessary, not central.
Week 08 · Trap 02Trap 03: mistaking balance for justice. "Both deserve to be heard" can collapse into "both have an equal claim" — which is bothsidesism.
Week 08 · Trap 03Move 01: name what you're doing and what you're not, out loud. "I'm here to help you both be heard, not to decide who's right."
Week 08 · Move 01Move 02: hard conflicts run hot and fast. Your job is to slow them to thinking speed.
Week 08 · Move 02Move 03: say back what one party said in language the other can receive. Don't decide; help them hear each other.
Week 08 · Move 03Move 04: when the power is too uneven, your mediation becomes pressure on the weaker party. The peacemaking move is to refuse, name why, and point to real recourse.
Week 08 · Move 04Situational: one party is angrier on the day, or more articulate. Can be managed with technique. Structural: the asymmetry is the substance of the harm. No technique closes that gap.
Week 08 · Move 04 supplementPressure 01 at home: they can predict you and you can predict them. Most fights are between scripts, not between people.
Week 09 · Pressure 01Pressure 02: the peacemaker, the truth-teller, the responsible one, the wild one, the scapegoat. Roles assigned early in a family system rarely get updated.
Week 09 · Pressure 02Pressure 03: some of what's in the room came from earlier generations. The fight isn't always between you and your partner — sometimes it's between your father and their mother.
Week 09 · Pressure 03Move 01: "We're doing the dishes fight again" beats "you never help around here." The pattern is the subject.
Week 09 · Move 01Move 02: quietly stepping out of a role you've played for thirty years often does more than confronting it. The system will pull on you. Hold the new place.
Week 09 · Move 02Move 03: at home the repair window is short. Apologize within the hour, not in three days. Small repairs prevent big ones.
Week 09 · Move 03Move 04: most fights at home are about everything at once. Bring it back to this conversation, today. The relationship is not on the line in every disagreement.
Week 09 · Move 04The Movement 04 practice: identify a recurring conflict, name the script each person follows, and pick one move that breaks it.
Week 09 · Movement 04What wears down a peacemaking practice over time: isolation, comfort, and crisis. The pattern is to wait until the crisis is over before resuming. The pattern is wrong.
Week 10 · Movement 02Habit 01: one breath, one pause, one moment of attention every day. The floor of the practice.
Week 10 · Habit 01Habit 02: two or three people who are also doing this work and who you talk to about it. Without it, the practice fades.
Week 10 · Habit 02Habit 03: one real hard conversation, repair, or stand every quarter. Scheduled, not waited for.
Week 10 · Habit 03Habit 04: once a year — what did I do, what did I avoid, what comes next? Honest, on paper.
Week 10 · Habit 04The closing practice: each member receives one sentence from every other member — "What I've come to know about you over these ten weeks is..."
Week 10 · Movement 04The recurring shape
Every week, the teaching pivots on a distinction — what the work is versus what it gets mistaken for. The full list, in one place.